Good ideas that weren't

Or, trying to fill time creatively while Daddy's on a business trip: (Mostly we've had fun. Been okay. Wrapped Christmas presents, seen friends, done our regular activities. But there were a few dark spots in the week. Notably, all coming in the afternoon or evening. Hm.)

• Dinner at the hibachi Japanese steak house. (I thought they'd think it was cool to watch food being cooked right in front of us. All they noticed was the loud exhaust fan over their heads. They watched, but while clinging to me with their hands over their ears and saying "go home.")

• Bagel for snack at 10:30 a.m. (They didn't eat much lunch and then were whiney and hungry by 4:30. I forgot they hadn't had much lunch and rebuffed their pleas for an extra snack, only fueling the deteriorating situation. Eventually I caught on and we had an early dinner, but it was rough for a while.)

• Going to the new coffee shop-with-a-play-area in town after kindergarten hours: "the big kids are going to attack us." Yes, my three-year-old not only used the word attack in reference to a kid who didn't even notice her presence and whose mom was 10 feet from him, but she wouldn't venture into a large room just because a five-year-old with a foam bat was playing at the far end (nowhere near the make-believe kitchen I knew she was eyeing). Nothing placated her. We sat at a table with chocolate milk until the big kid went home.

• My worst idea: (apparently, judging from the tears and tantrums that followed): not giving them a second cookie at snack today. They had apples and crackers, but NOOOOOOOO COOOOOKIEEEEEEEEEE. This led me to think we should get out of the house and try the new coffee shop that just opened...see entry above.

Funnydad comes home tomorrow with reinforcements (grandma) in tow.

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Seriously, I wish I were better at this. Funnydad needs me to be strong when he's away. His job is demanding, and it just adds more stress for him if I'm a mess while he's gone. There are so many balls in the air -- finding a community here, having people I can lean on, finding professional work for me, establishing ourselves as a family in Boulder. Will it be easier when things are more settled? Flat out, J's job is hard. Good, way better than advertising, but super demanding. I want to be supportive, and a large part of that is keeping things running smoothly while he's gone (or here and just slammed with work). I have babysitters, I have a routine of activities. It's the edges -- the mornings and the evenings -- with no help that do me in. One day I'll post something about how we've had a great time while dad's gone, didn't even count the days. But for now, I don't know how to do this any better. Wish I did.

I have a friend in Boulder whose husband is a pilot for an airline based here. He's gone either four or five days a week, every week. She manages. She more than manages -- she's above-average cheerful every time we talk, and has largely been that way since we met in college. And they have three kids. (They're all in school now, but he's been a pilot for longer than they've had kids.) I hope she represents what I can be, both when funnydad's away and in general as a mom. Her kids are older. It could happen.

Or, maybe I just shouldn't write blog posts at night when I've had a long day.